Thoughts from the Inca Trail: How to Build Psychological Flexibility
I (Cecily) was in Peru last week, hiking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu with my lifelong friend Ava. As is always the case on long walks, we talked at length. One of our talks centered on the relationship between flexibility and mental health. Ava read somewhere that psychological flexibility is correlated with mental health. As in “the degree to which one is flexible one is also mentally healthy.” I loved it.
Got me thinking one step further: if flexibility is an indicator of good mental health then maybe the correlation goes the other way too? Cultivate flexibility and you will improve your mental health? Worth a shot since flexibility is a skill you can practice. So here are a few things I do/have done to cultivate psychological flexibility (keep in mind these are just things that work for me… it’s okay if you don’t love them all):
When faced with a minor bit of pending uncertainty or discomfort (i.e. you show up at a luncheon and you’re not sure what kinds of food they’re serving or where you’re supposed to sit and that worries you), repeat to yourself, “I’m just happy to be here. I’m just happy to be here.” Merely saying those words to yourself is like a circuit breaker on your tendency to ruminate, worry, or complain.
A bit of perspective I like to employ from time to time: if something is going badly, no matter how bad it gets I can probably imagine a way it could be worse. Don’t be afraid to stare into the abyss a little bit from time to time. As in, “I know I’m feeling achy all over but…. I could be missing a leg,” or, “Money is tight right now… but I could be in debt so bad I have to get pay day loans to pay for food.” Do these scenarios sound far fetched? Remember they’re someone’s reality. And if it’s true that things could be worse, then the opposite is also true: things could be better. When I imagine a way things could be worse, it usually gives me a map toward how I can make it better (by doing the opposite of what would make it worse.)
Remember the world is an unfair place and owes you nothing. Sound dark? Perhaps, but it’s true. And truth is empowering. No one deserves an easy outcome, not even me, and not even you. If you get an easy outcome then that’s something to celebrate and be grateful for (see #5). If you don’t, it wasn’t guaranteed anyway.
Practice a little self pep talk: “I’ve been through X, Y and Z, I can get through this too.” Identify the hard things you’ve been through in the past, keep their memories around like a high water mark, reminding you that you’re capable of facing equivalent (and perhaps greater?) difficulties. “I’ve run a marathon. I can do this.” If you can’t think of anything difficult that you’ve been through/done, I encourage you to go find something you consider difficult and face it pronto.
Make the good stuff big. Yes, even bigger. Did you know that 80% of your silent automatic thoughts are negative? It’s true, and there’s a reason for it: negative information is more useful to human survival. It is more useful to know that roadways are where speeding cars are found than that meadows are filled with beautiful wildflowers. The negative bits of information can help you avoid calamity and save your life; positive information merely makes you feel a little better for a short time. This means your subconscious is prone to forget positive information. So when good stuff happens, make it big by taking note. Remark to someone, “Wow can you believe how great this weather is?” Take pictures and frame them. Celebrate birthdays. Have reunions. Give toasts and compliments. Commemorate your achievements. Buy yourself a nice jacket or a fancy piece of jewelry when you finish that masters degree. If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.
Now, someone out there is going to call this all toxic positivity, but I think toxic is in the eye of the beholder when it comes to behavior. I do all these things, and they haven’t killed me yet. On the contrary, I think they’ve made me better than I was. 😀
